why don’t you get a job?

 

Grump.Grump. Grump.

I’ve had the last week off work, today was my first day back in.

Well, I say I’ve had the last week off but it was actually only 4 working days because I ended up going in on what was supposed to be the first day of my holiday because there was too much ‘urgent’ and / or ‘important’ stuff on my to-do list.

Grump.

On top of that, stupid real life syndrome kept me from spending what remained on my precious week off exclusively on the bike.

More grump.

When I did manage to get out, the trails were blissfully bereft of fair weather cyclists.

Happy dance.

Unfortunately, like any other vacuum, the space left vacant was filled by the only other people able to spend their days somewhere other than at work: The Great British [sic] Unemployed.

Now, I’m not about to embark on some kind of tirade and unfairly pigeon hole those who are genuinely out of work for reasons beyond their control… I know not all unemployed people are the same. I just seem to encounter the worst of ’em. I probably deserve it.

Most of the trial dwellers I seemed to come across were litter-dropping, cannabis-smoking yoof who would much rather deliberately block the way and intimidate me than politely smile and return my friendly “hello”… come back fair weather cyclists, all is forgiven.

Grump.

As I chained my bike up outside the office this morning, I had that familiar feeling of wanting to be out on the trails instead… but then I thought, without this job, I wouldn’t be able to afford the bike(s) I regularly take out on the trails. And, if I had every day to be out there, would I appreciate them as much as I do now? Who knows.

What I do know for sure is that, as much as I could’ve easily just kept cycling this morning rather than going to work, if I had’ve headed for the trails, I wouldn’t have been able to squeeze in my final errand for the 2014 Chasing Mailboxes Errandonnee Challenge!

Happy dance.

Yep, just when I thought I wasn’t going to make it, today I managed to squeeze in one last errand.

Errand #12: commuting home from work | category: work | miles: 10 | thing I learned / observed: I might not always like it, but I’m grateful to have a good job | bonus: completed after dark (lighting method: hub dynamo powering front & rear lamps)

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karma police

 

I’m not sure I believe in karma and all that mumbo jumbo.

I love that expression “mumbo jumbo”, you so rarely get to use it in a sentence. In fact, I’m fairly confident I’ve never typed it before.

But I digress.

Every week I say to myself “Listen, you can’t leave the office at 7pm on a Friday and expect to be able to ride across Manchester city centre without running into revellers, crazy people, buses, taxis and other assorted hazards!”.

Every week, I ignore my own sound advice and find myself dodging people stepping out into traffic, drivers making ill considered (and often illegal) dangerous manoeuvres and women of a certain age who really shouldn’t be wearing *that*.

Tonight, as the pack of mini-skirted 40-somethings almost got wiped out by a tram, I decided to hang back and let the taxi (that was going to pull out whether I pulled back or not) pull out ahead of me. To which I received a big smile and a friendly wave.

A little way down the road and I pulled alongside another black cab sat  waiting at a red light and waved to point out he was driving around in full dark with no headlights on… to which I received a big smile and a friendly wave.

The remaining trek across the city centre presented the usual selection of horrible sights, a few close shaves and one incredibly impatient driver blowing their horn at me when I didn’t move out of their way immediately.

Meh. I suppose it’ll take a little time for my good karma to kick in.

But I digress.

You see, tonight’s ride home from work was the first in a series. Over the next 12 days I am taking part in the 2014 Chasing Mailboxes Errandonee Challenge.

The rules are pretty simple, I just have to complete 12 errands by bike in 12 days, covering a minimum of 30 miles. Oh, and I also have to document each errand with a photo and point out something I learned or observed on my trip.

carradice bagHere’s a picture of my Carradice saddle bag I use for commuting to work, it’s plenty big enough for a change of clothes, lunch and a few bits and bobs if I need to pick anything up on the way home.

Something I observed on my trip? Well, other than the bewildering selection of outfits on display in the city centre, I was quite struck with just how big the difference is between the madness of the city centre and the serenity of the suburbs – I can’t wait to get out of the former, but I find myself taking longer and longer routes through the latter.

Edit:

Errand #1 fits into the ‘work’ category as it was my daily commute to / from work and also takes care of one of my recommended ‘after dark’ errands.

1795689_10152477967614863_2101079586_nSee, look, it was dark. Dark like a dark thing. The lighting method used a simple Shimano hub dynamo wired up to a Trelock front dynamo light and a… something-or-other mudguard mounted dynamo rear light, both with built-in standlights. How I ever lived without dynamo lights, I’ll never know.

Total mileage for errand #1: 16 miles.

you owe me nothing in return

 

A little something from Alanis this evening to a) delight the legions of Portuguese fans of lifeinthecyclelane who are forever demanding plinky plunky music videos with subtitles and b) make my Canadian reader hang his head in shame.

In fact, the interweb tells me Alanis is half American so you guys can all feel bad too.

Incidentally, on behalf of the UK, I hereby sincerly apologise for The Spice Girls. *slow, sad headshake*

Anyhoo, it’s been all kinds of exciting here at lifeinthecyclelane HQ recently; you’ve probably read the news reports about a crazy-eyed, hairy-faced man abandoning his unfortunate and all-too-patient girlfriend at various marketplaces around Manchester while he goes off cycling in the wilderness with…

<insert dramatic music here>

…another girl.

Salsa Mukluk 2A filthy girl.

1456671_10152219705564863_2054789501_nA filthy girl who likes going down.

1465350_10152219705879863_535419075_nA filthy girl who likes going down and let me taste her pussy.

1451350_10152219704934863_255121575_nYou can make up your own jokes.

But seriously, Canadian-American regret and hideously inappropriate innuendo aside, this is after all a cycling blog so it’s about time I reported on something at least a little bit cycling related.

Ahem. You at the back! Stop sniggering. This is a serious blog.

 

This year, I’ve largely been switching back and forth between my Surly Troll and Kinesis Crosslight for commuting duties. During the summer, the Kinesis was also my evening & weekend ride of choice for exploring the local lanes and bridleways.

As the days started to get shorter and the weather started to get crappier, I set the Troll up in its now familiar mountain biking guise and the Kinesis became my foul weather commuter.

It’s time to talk about rubber.

Hey! No sniggering.

709111_183LrgAfter countless miles over tarmac, gravel, hardpack dirt and (some) mud in blazing heat, freezing cold, pouring rain and (a little) ice, it’s finally time to hang up what has to be one of the best sets of tyres I’ve ever owned. The Vittoria Randonneur Cross Pro with its semi-slick, semi-knobbly tread, reflective sidewalls, sticky compound and excellent puncture protection has been absolutely flawless.

Mine are now looking almost completely slick, the reflective stip is starting to peel away and the combined abuse from Birmingham & Manchester’s roads and trails over the last few years has left them beaten, battered and scarred. And yet, through it all, I never had a single puncture.

Of course, one simply can’t abandon one’s girlfriend without the universe handing out some kind of cruel and unusual karmic punishment. My punishment came in the form of a 2 inch galvanised steel nail that somehow found its way into my rear tyre, directly through the tread, out through the sidewall and CLATTER CLATTER CLATTER into my rear mudguard; albeit mercifully just around the corner from the office.

Now, as a rule, when your tyre sidewall gets damaged, your tyre is toast. This is normally bad news. Especially when said tyres cost a small fortune. But, given the seemingly endless mileage they’ve given me, I really can’t complain; I’ve more than had my money’s worth.

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mr postman

 

There’s a rather exciting development waiting in the wings here at lifeinthecyclelane HQ… I’m bursting to tell you all about it but it’s not all finalised yet so you’ll just have to remain on the edge of your seats holding your breath for a little while longer…

You will be familiar with the equation for working out the appropriate number of bikes to own:

n + 1
(where n = the number of bikes you currently own)

In the last few weeks, n has been in steady decline. Now, I know what you’re thinking: you’re thinking this is a bad thing. You’re thinking several things must be wrong. You’re thinking “why are we doing maths?”. You’re thinking Karen’s finally had enough of all these bikes, killed me dead, given my collection away and taken over my blog.

Fear ye not. I am alive and well (a bit sniffly, but generally OK) and the only thing being killed off is my collection of bikes. This, believe it or not, is a good thing.

You thought the maths was bad? Prepare yourselves for some science!

“Horror vacui (Nature abhors a vacuum)”

Interestingly enough, I abhor a vacuum too. I’m sure we’ve got one in the cupboard somewhere but it’s far from my favourite household appliance.

Nature contains no vacuums because the denser surrounding material continuum would immediately fill the rarity of an incipient void. Or, if there is a space with nothin’ in it, somethin’ will fill it.

Here at the HQ, the void has appeared as a result of several projects finally making their way off to new homes:

425348_10150673432819863_784234862_8829403_132888241_nFirst, it was my beloved Falcon Panther 10 speed road bike which I rescued from the scrapheap. 27″ wheels, bullhorn bars, a Selle San Marco Regal saddle and full friction downtube shifters. That was a fun bike to ride! It’s currently somewhere in London being ridden around by a guy who always wanted one when he was a kid.

Raleigh Compact 3 speed folding bikeNext up was this quirky little Raleigh Shopper 3 speed folding bike. A major diversion from the usual things you see roll out of the workshop but it was heaps of fun all the same. All she needed was a fresh set of tyres, a bit of adjustment of the brakes & gears and she was off to Merseyside. No more sitting about in a dusty old shed, she can now been found pootling up and down the docks, transporting the lady who bought her back to her childhood.

Carrera Epic flat barsMore recently, I shocked the world with the pink & green madness that was the Carrera Epic flat bar road bike build. Deliberately different, deliberately challenging, I wanted this bike to turn heads and turn heads it did! Selling it proved to be quite the challenge in the end and when it finally did go, the guy buying it for his girlfriend asked me to include the original black saddle… Shame, I liked it with the pink one! Anyway, if you see it being ridden around London, do drop me a line and let me know which one it’s got on.

994151_10151707854699863_1000163482_nSince then, I ended up adopting Penelope here. Since taking this photo, I’ve swapped out the saddle, given her flat bars, new brake levers, new cables all around and fitted 2.2″ DMR Moto RT tyres. She loves hitting the back streets of Salford for a quick, hard ride but I just can’t devote enough attention to her since setting the Troll up as a mountain bike. Earlier today, I sold her to another guy in London (seems to be a dangerous shortage of cool bikes down there) so she’ll be off in search of new adventures down there in a few days’ time.

1236615_10151932228879863_88922407_nA little while ago, I bagged a Pashley Millenium workhorse, formerly spending its days delivering post around Manchester. I had all sorts of plans… I was going to have it blasted and powdercoated, I was going to give it a set of moustache bars, a top tube mounted 3 speed shifter, some vintage lamps and it was going to be my new winter commuter. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t get on with the uber relaxed geometry so, I put it up for sale. A mere couple of hours ago, I was lifting it into the car boot of its proud new owner. And the best part? Ey, when he were a lad, it were all fields around St Helens and all his mates got racers but his parents couldn’t afford one so they bought him a £10 ex-postie bike from a 2nd hand shop. When he saw this one on eBay, he just had to have it because it reminds him of the one he had all those years ago.

Sure, I make a little bit of money on these bikes every now and again but there’s just nothing like the smile people get when they pick up something cool and it’s always nice to know it’ll be ridden and appreciated.

The resulting vacuum in the lifeinthecyclelane HQ workshop will soon be filled, have no fear. This next one is gonna be all kinds of cool… I CAN’T WAIT!!!

slip sliding away

 

Ah Autumn (that’s Fall for those of the American persuasion). The days are getting shorter, the roads and trails are getting quieter, it’s time to break out the foul weather commuter, fit the full wrap mudguards and clip on the lights.

Largely, because I’m lazy, I’ve saved a little time this year by simply rolling out the same bike I’ve been riding all summer. It already is my foul weather commuter, it already has full wrap mudguards and I haven’t bothered to take my lights off since last year. They even still had some charge left – bonus.

Along with my lazyness comes falling leaves, mizzle, drizzle, and every other kind of rain Manchester can throw at you (that’s a lot of rain, by the way). With a lot of rain in a city with lots of painted lines and lots of manhole covers comes a lot of risk of going face surfing. This morning, I very nearly dropped my Troll several times when the front wheel slipped out on shiny metal / paint / oil spots…

Be careful out there.

something inside so strong

 

Whilst I was away, suffering from a bad case of real life syndrome and, more recently, a horrible respiratory infection, I had quite literally millio… no, thousan… hundre… OK, so I had one person contact me demanding an update to my blog. Clearly, over a month without a new instalment of Random stuff people were searching for when they landed here trivia! was just too much to bear.

You may even recall me promising a special month long special edition… and, here it is! Please, try to control your excitement.

 

You asked for it, I promised to do it.

You asked for it again, I promised to do it again.

You kept asking for it, I kept promising to do it.

At some time in the last month, you asked for it yet again; so, without further ado, by popular demand, you-kept-asking-for-it-so-I’m-finally-doing-it… yes, yes, it’s finally time for a “Keep Pedalling wheel build review”.

32421_10151271550494863_43233265_nYou may recall I originally built my Surly Troll with an old Sun Rims Ditch Witch wheelset I had lying around the garage. Super wide disc specific rims with a matt black finish, I loved them and I quite literally rode them into the ground; relenting only when the hubs were making so much noise I was worried I wouldn’t make it all the way home (hence the boxes of brand new shiny in my trailer).

206696_10151327132799863_2024200714_nHere’s the finished article being used in anger atop the Hill of Death. For the wheel building nerds out there, here are the specs:

Halo Aerowarrior 26″ disc specific rims in white, Shimano Deore XT 36 hole quick release 6 bolt disc hubs in black and regular, bust-one-and-you-can-get-it-fixed-just-about-anywhere round stainless steel spokes in silver; none of your fancy black bladed [read expensive and almost never in stock] spokes here.

Of course, these wheels were hand built by Rich at Keep Pedalling in Manchester. Interestingly enough, he was actually recommending a cheaper, more sensible, touring bike rim but hey, what’s rock ‘n’ roll about that? So, I splurged the extra cash and went with the Halos.

They’ve been on the bike now for a little over 6 months and have done somewhere between 2000 and 3000 miles (I really haven’t been keeping count) on road, off road, through rain, snow, mud, sand… you name it.

The XT hubs are super smooth and super quiet and will be treated to a service in another 6 months’ time. The rims are as perfectly straight as the day I picked them up and, despite the daily abuse I give the bike, I’m yet to break a single spoke (of course, I fully expect to break several tomorrow now I’ve jinxed it!).

So, how do I rate the quality of Keep Pedalling’s wheel building service? Well, I’m currently saving up to have another one done. What does that tell you?

Oh, I almost forgot! My favourite search term from the last month? Well, it just has to be:

“Olive at Keep Pedalling”

Olive

f.e.a.r.

 

Something strange has happened to me recently; I can’t quite put my finger on what’s caused it but I have most definitely turned into some kind of lettuce.

Quite possibly, it’s down to when I dropped the Troll on the ice a while back… ever since that happened, I seem to have lost all confidence in the tyres and my own ability to stay upright. Admittedly, the weather hasn’t improved much since I crashed so I’ve had good reason to be on the lookout for black ice but to say I’ve been cautious through the corners must be the understatement of the year.

I now find myself gingerly mincing around traffic islands and slowing right down for corners I’d previously have attacked at high speed… what has become of me???

406476_10151161830094863_453640121_nIn an attempt to get some peace and quiet, I decided to ride home via the canal towpath earlier this week; something I’ve done countless times before, something I felt sure would help me recover some of my confidence in the bike and myself away from the distractions of rush hour traffic. As you can probably tell, much of the canal towpath in these parts is paved with cobbles. Huge, great big slippery cobbles. Just the kind of thing you need when you’re feeling unsteady…

It seems almost clairvoyant that this week’s winning ‘Random stuff people were searching for when they landed here trivia!’ entry is:

“towpath accident”

Happily, I didn’t actually have an accident but I was utterly convinced I was going to… perhaps to the point where I’m feeling so unsure of my balance that I’m tensing up and actually increasing my risk of coming off…

It’s not good. Any advice?

where i sleep

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There’s a definite theme to this week’s ‘Random stuff people were searching for when they landed here trivia!’… funny how that happens.

Yes, this week we’ve had some gems as:

  • BOB Nutz Surly
  • twin wheel transporter trailer weight empty
  • BOB trailer with horizontal dropouts
  • I’m starting to live in my cargo trailer (my personal favourite)

Yes, this week it’s all about the humble cargo trailer and the somewhat eccentric people who own and love them… it almost feels like I should be narrating a late night TV show on Channel 4.

As you can see, I’m no stranger to bicycle trailers and I’ve put my time in with both of the main types; single wheel and twin wheel. I’ve ridden with them on road, off road, along dedicated cycle routes and through busy city traffic. I’ve had them loaded up with everything from scrumped apples to camping gear & clothes to a new wheelset to a vintage bike.

I’ve towed a trailer in relentless heat, freezing cold, pouring rain and strong winds. I’ve towed on the flat, up hills and down dales. Heck, I’ve even been known to take my trailer to work on my morning commute.

So, which is best? Well, very much like my thoughts on DMR Moto vs Halo Twin Rail tyres, I think it really comes down to the kind of riding you want to do:

  • Find yourself mainly cycling on nice, flat surfaces with plenty of room around you? Not too worried about the contents of your trailer coming into contact with the elements? No obstacles too narrow to navigate on your ride?
    • If you’ve answered “yes” to most of these, chances are you’re a fairly relaxed cyclist and you use your trailer mainly for pootling down to the supermarket or taking a picnic to the park.
    • For you, I am recommending the twin wheel type trailer. This is because they’re relatively cheap, don’t require any particularly complex hardware to fit to your bike and really don’t affect the handling of the bike too much.
    • There are some cons, however; by way of their design, they are naturally wider than your bike which means you need to take care when navigating narrow passages etc. Also, the trailer will want to cut in when you turn so a little extra turning circle is required.
    • Oh, and the one I used was just about as waterproof as your average colander so you’ll need to be OK with your belongings getting wet should it rain.
  • After a trailer to use on a regular basis, be it for your business, touring around the world, or just carrying stuff and things from here to there?
    • If so, I’m recommending for you the single wheel type trailer, like my BOB Yak.
    • Thanks to their design, most single wheel trailers are not much (if any) wider than the bike you’re towing them with. Mounting hardware normally comes in the shape of a replacement quick release skewer or axle nuts so fitting really shouldn’t be too difficult.
    • The major benefits for me are the aerodynamic advantage you get from the trailer hiding behind the bike (a huge advantage over panniers too, by the way) and the fact the trailer simply follows the bike in an arc so you don’t need to worry about your turning circle at all.
    • There are cons, of course. This type of trailer is not cheap… mine came in around the £350 mark but it did come with all the fittings I needed, a waterproof sack and the peace of mind that it’ll hold its value should I ever decide to sell it on.

There are plenty of other considerations too… riding off road really sucks with a twin wheel trailer and, because the single wheel ones mount from both sides of the rear axle, they do tend to have a steering effect on the bike.

Also, there’s the push-me-pull-you that comes with having any kind of weight hanging off the back of the bike and what we shall refer to today simply as ‘The Redditch Incident’… more on that another time.

This year, I’ll be touring not with my trailer but front & rear panniers so keep your eyes peeled for a direct comparison of the 2 options; in the meantime, I think this picture best explains the love / hate relationship I have with my Yak.

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ice ice baby

 

It was always going to happen, I suppose.

Sooner or later you have to crash every bike you own. I remember my dad once swearing me off motorbikes by telling me “It’s not a question of if you come off, it’s when and how badly”; I suppose the same could be said for bicycles.

Since you’re reading this, it means I’ve finally managed to crash the Troll. And, since I’m able to type this, it means the crash wasn’t too bad at all; it certainly could’ve been an awful lot worse.

You see, it’s been rather chilly up here in t’ North for… well, forever, but particularly so the last couple of weeks. Has this stopped me cycling? Am I some kind of lettuce? Do I only get my bike out when it’s warm, dry and breathless out there? Hell no! I ride all year round in whatever weather happens to be out there.

I will admit to slowing down a little and not hammering through corners quite as much as I normally would in this colder weather with the roads as greasy and unpredictable as they are. Even still, I just about survived a two wheel drift scary enough to stop the traffic a few days ago; that was a close one.

And so, after mincing all the way to work this morning, dodging white lines, shiny manhole covers, tram tracks and hundreds of Mancs, I made it to within 100m of my office door. I was in the bloody car park leaning into a right hand turn I must’ve taken a thousand times when I suddenly realised the bike was still going forward…

I slid with balletic grace for a good 2 feet before the rear wheel also lost traction on the ice and I hit the concrete; stupidly, I put my hand out to break my fall which sent daggers of pain right up my arm all the way to my shoulder blade. As I lay on the ground, guessing how many bones I’d broken, the kindly cyclist following me in picked up the Troll and checked I was OK before heading off to complain to the building managers about the lack of grit.

After I’d hobbled down to the nearest NHS walk in centre, I was assured the only damage done was a bruised elbow and matching ego. Having broken a collarbone before, I know all too well just how lucky I was today…

It won’t stop me cycling and neither should it stop you but it just goes to show you can’t let your concentration slip for a second in icy conditions.

 

Anyway, it’s Thursday again so it’s time for my new feature: ‘Stuff people have been searching for when they landed here’. Catchy title, eh?

  • First up this week: “fitting SKS mudguards to Merida bike disc brakes”
    • Well, it very much depends on whether your bike has mudguard eyes; if it does, full wrap mudguards like SKS Commuter may work but your disc calipers are likely to cause interference issues. I’d recommend having a look at SKS Beavertail; I’ve used the regular ones (good for narrower tyres) and the XL ones like I had fitted to my Merida (good for wider tyres). As they mount just from the brake bridge, you shouldn’t have any problems with your discs and you’ll still get plenty of coverage.
  • Who’s next? Ah yes: “Marzocchi fork makes a dinging noise”
    • Dude, that’s not good. Get it to a bike shop right away and no, don’t ride it there. Having said that, it could just be a stray brake cable knocking against the fork legs or, if you’re running disc brakes, they may be adjusted too close which could also be causing a sound like that. Hopefully, it’s not a small crack about to turn into a face plant inducing failure. Best of luck!
  • Time for one more? Well, how could I resist this one: “my tracksuit is made”
    • Err… good. Yeah. Mad fer it. etc. etc.

So there you go; I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s insight into just some of the visitors to life in the cycle lane – tune in next week for more!

Oh, and stay off the ice!

why is your raincoat always crying?

As utterly bonkers as Simone White may be, I must confess to owning (and regularly playing) her surprisingly excellent album ‘I am the man’ which is how I came to know of this equally bonkers song. Originally, I bought the CD after falling in love with ‘The beep beep song’ made famous by this brilliant Audi advert so please feel free to listen to that instead whilst I bore you with cycling related trivia.

So why the fascination with the bonkers (albeit cute) Simone White all of a sudden? Well, regular visitors will know I like to post a song which is at least semi-related to the topic I’m boring you with writing about and today is no exception. In fact, dear readers, I have a semi-exciting new feature for you which may or may not become a regular fixture here at life in the cycle lane.

A great many of the hits my humble little blog gets are referred from various search engines around the world and, through the magic of the stats WordPress provides me with, I can even tell what people were searching for when they landed here. So, I thought it might be fun to answer some of the questions I’ve been indirectly asked this week.

First up: “what cane creek headset goes in the ogre”

Err… any one you like really; providing it has external cups of course. I use an S-1 in my Troll which looks and works great… I replaced the plastic top cap with a metal one but other than that it’s cool.

Second (and a bit more interesting): “how my cycle will go wrong on commute”

Any number of ways… Main things to watch out for are:

  • Punctures – Stop being a lettuce and spend some money on a decent set of tyres with puncture protection; they’ll pay for themselves in no time. I ride on Halo Twin Rails which are awesome as are Scwhalbe Kojaks (in fact, almost everything from Schwalbe is good for commuting).
  • Visibility – Get yourself a bright yellow jacket if you absolutely must but any decent cycling gear should have reflective bits on it which go a long way to getting you seen out on the roads. I wear a Gore Phantom II jacket almost all of the time and it has plenty of shiny for me.
  • Lights – Technically, this comes under visibility because commuter lights are really more about being seen rather than seeing (unless you ride home down a completely unlit street). Again, you have to be OK with spending a few quid here and you’ll want something with several modes (including flashing) to suit various light conditions.
  • Luggage – Dependent on how much stuff you want / need to carry, you’re going to need some decent luggage to house it if you’re serious about commuting; to carry said luggage, you’re also going to want a decent rack. I use a pair of Ortlieb Back Roller Classic rear panniers which are rugged, waterproof and downright cavernous; they hang off a Ragley rack ’em up pannier rack which is awesome. Many, many other bag & rack combinations are available and some are more suited to certain bikes than others… head down to your local bike shop and get some advice.

And finally this week: “surly troll frame weight”

It’s heavy; stop being a lettuce.